Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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