If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
