I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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