....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
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We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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