I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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