my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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