Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
