Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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