it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
