just survived the first fart of the relationship.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
