i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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