hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
