i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
