what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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