its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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