she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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