this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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