that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
