I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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