sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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