i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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