saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
