The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
