where am i from again
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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