If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
