at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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