Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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