she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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