i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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