Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
