Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
