Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
