Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
