HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My cat gives me a boner
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
