Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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