even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
