Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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