I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
