If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
