So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
