I met the friendliest cop last night
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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