She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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