im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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