If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
