I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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