if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
