Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
