"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
