I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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