Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
