his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
