moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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