So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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