I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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