4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I will die if light touches me.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
