Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
