the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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