lets start a swedish sibling band together
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
