You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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