Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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