it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
