tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
