it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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