Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
