He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
