i was born a porn star she said
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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