Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
