if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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