Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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