Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
