Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
