Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
