I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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