you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
