Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
