So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
