I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
