There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
