She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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