hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
