So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ketchup is God's man juice
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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