My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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